Relationship success is not a mystery. If you are coachable you can absolutely have a new and improved relationship. The thing most of us don’t know is that we cannot solve the relational problems we are up against as the same people who created them. Growth is required.
In order to make effective change, we have to grow to become the people who can solve the problem. This is hard to do on our own. It’s sort of like cutting your own hair on the back of your head. You just can’t see it. Without guidance you will likely continue to blame each other, feel more discontent than ever, and lose sight of the relationship you really want to create. Don’t do that.
Coaching is forward-moving, solution-oriented, pro-active and goal-centric, which makes it an ideal solution for those who don’t want to talk about problems as much as DO something about them. Men who may resist therapy often respond to the idea of coaching since they are used to be coached in sports and understand the concepts.
Although there are more choices for relationship help these days, many therapies don’t work for relationships. Therapy is often focused on fixing a past rather than finding out what is wanting to happen for a new future. Coaching is the perfect vehicle for exploring what is next without blame.
As a Mediator and Relationship Strategist with extensive training in systems coaching, and a guide to hundreds of ending relationships, I bring you a powerful combination of tools to explore your relationship in a very real way. Think surgery.
I am fully equipped to support you in the growth and changes your relationship needs. No games. No blame. No dissecting. Just exploring dynamics. Your relationship has its own needs, wants and wisdom, and it wants to tell us. We can listen in.
When we’re unhappy in our relationship it is common to compare our current painful reality to an ideal relationship we make up in our head. Who wouldn’t want to leave painful for ideal? It's a natural response, but it’s not real. It truly is imagined. I hope you won't make decisions based on that state of mind.
Relationships are designed to force personal growth. It is my observation that relationships end when one or both partners face a growth step they either cannot or will not make. Staying stuck is painful, too.
What if the relationship you are in is the perfect vehicle to grow you up. to help you become the people who can then create the ideal relationship you envision?
Here are just a few tools we use in relationship coaching.
Create guardrails around your relationship by identifying your highest dream and worst fears. We use this in our coaching to move toward the high dream and steer clear of the low dream.
Constellate a map of your family system as it is now, and as you want it to be. Observe how connected are you with each other, your kids, even special events. Design a path to get to where you want it to be.
Take a visualized trip deeply onto the inroads of your own heart and then share what your learn about “your land” with your partner. Where are your high places? Your most sacred spots? What is your border patrol like? Who gets in, who doesn't, and why? What are the customs, the food and music like in your land? This is a grand and insightful adventure.
Identify the roles you’ve each taken on. See if there’s another way to re-balance them. Are there missing roles? Are one of you experiencing role nausea?
Learn the four behaviors that kill relationships and how to antidote them.
Learn to hear the voice/wisdom of your relationship.
And there are plenty more.
